Hey Harmony: My Friends Hung Out Without Me


Hey Harmony,

This morning when I checked Instagram I saw that my two best friends hung out without me. I can’t figure out why they would get together and not invite me, and I’m worried it means they don’t want to be my friend anymore. It’s like they wanted me to find out, otherwise why would they put it on Instagram? I just don’t know what to do.





I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. Believe me when I say I HAVE BEEN THERE. Maybe even more than once. So, the good news is that I have plenty of wisdom to impart on the subject. The bad news is, we can’t control people, even our best friends (bummer, I know), and quite often we have to simply accept the things we can’t change. More good news: I DOUBT they don’t want to be your friend anymore. You’re incredibly awesome, after all. More bad news: if you want to find out why they didn’t invite you, you’re going to have to ask them. Here’s the thing: being honest with your friends about your feelings is always the best approach, and a great way to make sure small problems don’t turn into big problems.

It’s very likely that this is all a misunderstanding. Any chance they thought you were busy that night? Again, there’s only one way to clear this up: ask them! They’re your friends, so they will be more than happy to have this conversation with you and clear up the confusion causing hard feelings.

Of course, it IS possible that they wanted a one-on-one hang out, and while that IS hurtful, it’s a part of life that any group of friends is going to have to deal with. I bet there have been times you wanted to hang out with one and not the other, right? That doesn’t mean you didn’t want to be friends with her, or were even mad at her, right? Sometimes it’s just about who we’re in the mood to hang out with and who we’re not! So, if it turns out that’s the case, DO NOT take it personally. Not being invited to hang out isn’t a reflection of how they feel about you, or of your value as a person. As I said before: YOU ARE AWESOME.

To summarize:

  1. Calmly ask your friends why they didn’t invite you to hang.

  2. If it was a misunderstanding then…YAY!

  3. If it was because they wanted some time to just themselves, that information may sting, but don’t take it personally, and understand it’s just a part of life.

Whatever the outcome, you should congratulate yourself on having a real-life experience. This is the stuff that makes you stronger!