Hey Harmony: Backstabbed


Hey Harmony,

There’s this girl at school who I thought was my friend, but I just found out that she’s been telling my other friends that I’m a bad person and that they shouldn’t be friends with me anymore. The worst part is that a lot of them are listening to her! People are telling me they can’t be friends with me anymore, or just cutting off contact without an explanation. I don’t know what she’s telling all of them to make them turn on me, and I don’t know what I did to make her want to ruin my life, but I’m worried I’m going to lose all my friends. Do you think you can help me? What should I do?



Hmmmm, let me think…



Oh, hi! Of course I can help! I know alllll about being backstabbed and about losing friends.

The way I see it, you have a few options, but before we explore those, first thing’s first: don’t be afraid of losing friends based on one girl’s mean-spirited gossip.

Anyone who is a real friend won’t just believe some rumor without talking to you about it first. A real friend won’t abandon you because of something somebody else said. So, you will not lose your real friends over this insanity. Anyone who ends their friendship with you because of what this girl told them, wasn’t your friend anyway, so you’re better off without them.

If, as it turns out, they all listen to her and turn against you, then you’ll be in the painful situation of realizing you didn’t have any real friends, but in the exciting position of getting to find new ones, ones who are loyal and believe in you!

Now, let’s talk about this mean girl. Chances are you probably didn’t do anything to warrant her behavior. She’s most likely just jealous of you or feels threatened and is dealing with it in the most immature way possible. So here are some things you can do!

•Pull her aside and say you’d like to have a talk. Ask her why she’s telling people that you’re a bad person. Maybe you two can work out whatever’s going on, and maybe she’ll even be willing to apologize.

•Talk to your friends who haven’t turned against you and make sure they know you care about them. Like I said, if they’re your real friends, they’ll be loyal.

•Start making new friends by being extra friendly to students you don’t know, or only know a little. If there’s a new student or somebody who seems lonely, befriend them immediately and make them feel important. Being helpful to somebody else and making their day/week/month will take your mind off your own problems and lead to only good things!

Whatever you decide to do, remember this: mean girls never win in the long run.

Hugs, Harmony

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